Yeah, so, Yankee Candle has created a line of candles aimed at men. The fact that these candles aimed at men are not called Mandles is a huge fail on Yankee Candles’ part.

You fuckin’ blew it, Yankee Candle.

According to a Yankee Candle press release, these are the scents that “men” like, and no I didn’t edit these:

• Man Town™ — Escape to the man cave with this masculine blend of spices, woods and musk.
• First Down™ — This combination of orange, patchouli, vetiver and leather is as exciting as game day.
• Riding Mower™ — Hot sun. Cool breeze. And the intensely summery scent of freshly cut grass.
• 2 x 4™ — The warm, unmistakable scent of freshly planed wood and sawdust evokes a sense of confidence and quality.

Hey, Yankee Candle, you forgot a few scents:

• Nachos and beer: Men love to eat nachos and drink beer while they watch sporting events on TV.
• Video games: It smells like body odor and loneliness.
• Gas: All men love working on cars. ALL MEN!
• Barbeque sauce: Guys are all about the grilling, am I right, ladies?
• Pussy: Dudes love pussy.

By the way, the company’s press release goes on to say that these candles are the perfect Father’s Day gift.

Oh sure.

“Here you go, David. Happy Father’s Day. It’s a candle that smells like wood. You’re welcome. … Where are you going with that suitcase, David?”

There are so many things wrong with this I don’t know where to start. The idea that men like the smell of fresh grass or wood, because they are the ones doing yard work and – I guess – woodworking. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that Yankee Candle has a line of women’s candles that smell like clean laundry, freshly vacuumed living rooms and babies.